The backdrop of the remains of St. Mary’s Abbey initially sets a reverent tone for those gathered in York’s Museum Gardens. Eclipsing the ancient walls, though, is a stage that forms part of the city’s annual summer season of shows.
It provides a fitting setting for a show that carries an intensely emotional weight. Rebecca Lucy Taylor’s A Complicated Woman tour, performed as her Self Esteem alter ego, is a theatrical, communal experience that feels entirely at home in a setting that has brought congregations together for hundreds of years.
Before that, though, we submit to the overwhelming presence of Moonchild Sanelly, an utterly unique performer who collaborated with Self Esteem on Big Man and In Plain Sight. Visually iconic and undeniably powerful, Moonchild delivers a set that sets a fire under the crowd, heightening the emotions with strength, humour and fearless self-expression.
The Big Moon keep the infectious, feel-good energy going with their shimmering indie tunes. They deliver a great set, full of female-focused messaging, underpinned by high-quality melodies and flawless playing. It’s a change of pace, and the most ‘traditional’ performance of the night, given it is bookended by Sanelly and the show that is about to unfurl on the stage.
Self Esteem’s show moves from theatre to pop concert effortlessly over the course of the evening. I’ve seen this show before, at the end of the first tour in Sheffield. But tonight was different.
Yes, the costumes, the angular and unsettling dance routines, and the songs were still there. But from the first few spoken lines of I Do and I Don’t Care, Taylor is visibly moved by the lyrics, prompting supportive cheers from a crowd that understands this is genuine. It’s not a mistake, and it’s not performative. It’s a hallmark of Taylor’s live performances that the music and its meaning can become overwhelming, deeply emotionally relevant in the moment.
Wandering through the crowd during You Forever proves that it’s not only Taylor feeling the impact of her lyrics. Tears flow, supportive hugs are exchanged, and many of those absorbing the power of these songs in this unique setting are visibly moved.
It’s something Taylor leans into, though. Never one to shy away from the truth, she tells us during the show that this has been a “crazy day”. She apologises to her make-up artist, her hair stylist and the costume team for the ups and downs before taking to the stage. The crowd only loves her more for it. She isn’t trying to cover it up, instead embracing the pandemonium.
In the introduction to Cheers To Me, a song that reflects on her relationship with alcohol, she takes the opportunity to blame today’s chaos on the fact that “I downed two Tenzings before I came on stage.” Stay off the energy drinks, kids.
From the audience’s perspective, though, it doesn’t lessen the impact of the performance. From the opening numbers, visually austere and reminiscent of The Handmaid’s Tale, it’s an experience more than a gig. The show gradually morphs into full-blooded pop performance through songs like 69, Prioritise Pleasure and Fucking Wizardry.
Another defining feature of a Self Esteem show is the closeness between the artists on stage. In the Prioritise Pleasure era there were typically four accompanying Taylor. Now there are seven producing a greater spectacle and a richer sound. The support and respect between the performers is obvious. The performance of What Now, gathered around a stylised pyre and facing inwards, is astonishing. It feels like a private moment that we’re somehow allowed to witness. The quality of the vocals is magical: purity in the harmonies, passion in the lyrics.
By the time we reach the encore, we are joyfully, emotionally drained. Not to the extent that we wouldn’t welcome another couple of songs, though, especially when they are arguably Self Esteem’s most iconic tracks.
I Do This All The Time and Focus Is Power are the perfect closing songs, rounding the evening off with strength and meaning. For the latter, Taylor is joined on stage by a young girl, Alice, who sings with the group and looks genuinely elated as the final chorus reaches its peak.
There are few artists who do it like Self Esteem. She delivers authenticity, power and emotion every single time she steps onto a stage. Tonight, in her eyes, maybe it wasn’t perfect. But for everyone in the crowd, in this remarkable setting, it was one of the most powerful performances of the summer.
